06.09.16... Horndogs in Excess...

I really don't think some guys realize how extremely quickly they shift into a sexual conversation with a woman they've been (or wish to be) intimate with while she's being non-sexual, serious or vulnerably revealing about something... which is why she gets highly annoyed... as far as she's concerned, his timing sucks... she doesn't get that he wants her so bad, any & all conversational etiquette has just left the room... and if he cuts her off like that all the time, she's not feeling attractive, she's feeling like a tool... and that's not really his fault, but the guys that came before him that used her and walked away, in the exact way he's addressing her. So, it's sometimes hard to take the action as a "compliment"... especially when it seems to completely come out of nowhere, for her.

What she doesn't realize is, like a geyser, whatever he's feeling instantly, just comes up and out. I've grown to expect that impulsiveness, so I don't get as bothered as some women might. :-) And maybe it's also because I'm not used to such instant blatant attention, I give it a chance to flow. I've also had the luxury of most guys be very explicitly honest with me about what they think of me, so when they make a habit of interrupting me like that, I do try to take it for the rough-around-the-edges compliment it was meant to be... and enjoy it and their mono-focus. ;-) They can't really help it... no matter how much we may want them to focus & not deviate. They don't think -- they just tend to do.

06.10.16... And when "that" conversation starts, I didn't start it, but I'm not against it, either. :-)

06.16.16... And under the right conditions, I will finish it. ;-)

Acceptance...

Born This Way...

)(I)(
True to my sign,
I do what I do, because I can...

I am not resigned to my Fate...
My Fate is what I make of it.

Because I cannot help but try,
I will have no regrets in this life.

)(II)(
I am in a Box of Neutrality...
Living in that Space of Gray... 

I do care, just not until I need to.

Think of it as necessary S.E.C...
Spiritual Energy Conservation.

Detachment, my loving Friend,
Thank you.

~K~
?/2015

My Way...

09.27., 10.01.15...

I know I'm that person that people have to make a move to know... I don't become intense & dramatic & goofy & passionate until you turn the key. :-) What most people don't realize is that the key is always in plain sight... just talk to me. ;-) My long term friends know that, but when acquaintances see it, I'm glad... means I'm not hiding at all.

I AM nice. I AM sweet. But I also do not broadcast... not everyone puts everything out there for the whole world to see. If it, whatever "it" is, comes up in a conversation, I will discuss it... I've never had a problem going deeper, getting closer... especially since my best friends helped me drop all the protective walls. ;-) I didn't have them up too long... they came down long before they had any chance of solidifying.

10.01.15... am.... I am a Genie to the person who deserves me & especially learns how to ask me for what they want & need... but most people just skim the surface, just toe dip. Most people get too embarrassed just being exactly who they are. I don't judge anyone or try to change anyone. I deal with you where you are, but I do speak up if you are being harmful to me, emotionally, spiritually, physically. That's my responsibility. If you continue to be careless, I leave. Just because others choose to put up with your crap, doesn't mean I have to.

11.07.15...No contact equates to not wanting to be bothered, so I eventually leave you where you sit... and everyone gets that treatment. I'm not coming in after someone who won't make a move; I'm not doing all the grunt work in this... I'm not "that"girl... 50-50 or I'm out. I'll make an effort to stay connected, but if you drop off considerably, w/o any explanation, I'm gone... because all your actions say is, my feelings don't matter enough. You want to stay in your hole, go right ahead. I don't have the sympathy or patience for crappy behavior anymore. Step up, or step out.

The Moment / Lisa Stansfield

I don't believe in me
I don't believe in you
But I believe this feeling
And I just cant contain
The passion and the pain
You've got to feed the flame
inside of me

It starts slow
find it creeps up upon me
Reaches down into
the soul of me
The rush is warm
I anticipate the feeling
I know I'm gonna glow
Oh make me glow

I don't believe in me
I don't believe in you
But I believe this feeling
And I just cant contain
The passion and the pain
You've got to feed the flame
inside of me

Layer by layer
You strip the sadness from me
And the dark is slowly
washed away
I breathe you in
And I'm intoxicated
I feel the blood flow
through my veins

I don't believe in me
I don't believe in you
But I believe this feeling
And I just cant contain
The passion and the pain
You've got to feed the flame
inside of me

No future and no past
No questions left to ask
No tomorrow, no today
Nothing but the moment
I look but I don't see
I feel but I don't touch
I'm where l wanna be
Here In the moment

I'm being who I'll never be
Seeing all I'll never see
Just you and me

I don't believe in me
I don't believe in you
But I believe this feeling
And I just cant contain
The passion and the pain
You've got to feed the flame
inside of me

No future & no past
No questions left to ask
No tomorrow, no today
Nothing but the moment
I look but I don't see
l feel but I don't touch
I'm where I wan no be
Here in the moment

"Woman" / Toni Braxton

I worked late but you didn't wait up
My bones ache, I'm cleaning the place up
Sometimes I don't even know why I care

I sit down take off my make-up
I lay down but you don't wake up
Sometimes I wonder if you know I'm there

I can't remember the last time you
Told me I'm beautiful, and I can't remember
Last time you said anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And I deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And I need to be touched
And I need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

Now I hope that you don't wake up
When it's too late to make up
You'll be the one that's alone and that's sad

In time you'll find somebody
The truth is she'll never be me
And that's when you're going to miss what we had

When all I really needed to hear was "you're beautiful"
All I really needed to hear was anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And I deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And I need to be touched
And I need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

I'm not your friend who only needs you sometimes
And if I'm your lady
You got to treat me like...

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And I deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And I need to be touched
And I need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

A woman needs your heart
A woman needs your all
A woman needs your everything
I'm a woman
And I need to be touched
And I need to be loved
And I deserve your everything
I'm a woman
I'm a woman
I'm a woman

Comfortable Fitting Genes...

07.03.2015...

To look at the "unwanted absence" positively... (1.) no one of lackluster substance is here, wasting my time right now... (2.) I know what I want, I know what I like, I know what I'm willing to put up with & if deemed necessary, walk away from...  (3.) I'm currently not being bullshitted by anyone, neglected or abused. (4.) I know how to treat me & I'm very good at reflecting that. If you wish to do the same, I can give you a chance. ;-)

I've never been in a place of lack, just always overflow... I know all I have to give & want to... and that's where some of my upset has stemmed from. Being alone is not a bad thing... it's just sometimes way too quiet, especially for me. (07.04.15) I'm an active friend, all in or all out --- a natural communicator... if you start talking w me, I'll continue as much as you do & then some. If you stop any of it w no warning, I don't, until I start feeling the void.

Consistency is important to me... don't waste my time.

07.04, 09.15...pm... I'm also a lover, not a fighter... I'm willing to "go there" to clear the air; I don't let problems sit & fester, hoping they'd just up & go away. I try to exhaust all avenues before I walk. (07.10) I'm a pretty reasonable woman... it's a pity not everyone who shows up takes the time to realize that... even those who seem to have sense.

(07.04) I know how much I am loved by most... I know how much I am cared for, but "it", as of late, is more sensed by me than shown by "them". Yashi & Co. stopped by a while ago, after picking up Robé from work... dropping off a gift, for me, just because. :-) It was a good visit.

07.07.15... am... Had a good day out w Indira & Yashi... asked me a favor Saturday for Monday, didn't mind. Went to lunch after & had a good time talking.

07.10.15... am... Stopped by again yesterday to drop off two more gifts before they headed out to Naples this weekend. Had I plans to go to the retreat next weekend, I'd have what to lounge in.:-) I am, however, looking forward to being busy the next 3 Saturdays... ;-) Trying to get into going out on my own more... not something I've ever done much. My hope was to change that this year.

Tomorrow, going to Crafty to help out on Donna's Lady Liberty... next Sat, to see Tantrum at Stage Left, and the following Sat back to Crafty, maybe. :-) Nice...

pm... I've never opened a door I don't plan on walking through regularly... which is why I hate it so damn much when they (guys) stop dead in their tracks... but I'm learning how to release that, not give much of a fuck anymore when they do so... thank you, Detachment. I'm in such deep neutral these days... I did well today, not feeding on V's varied annoyances... not my flying monkeys. I consciously stayed quiet, didn't question what or why... & it ended quick enough. Me being silent during that felt weird to both of us, but I wasn't on a fishing expedition, so I refused to ask for clarity.

07.12.15... am, just after 12... Did go, did have fun. It's nice having a shared hobby & I got the chance to see more of the shop. I'd like to keep to the new schedule I've set for myself, which is now stopping in every other weekend, barring other events or situations... :-)

am... after 9... I exist in the moment until the other's activities propel me out of the moment... truly enveloping what my sign reflects. Didn't think I'd ever be this comfortable in my Gemini skin, but, I'm here & I'm happy. :-) Yay!

L-O-V-E....

02.17.15... A Many Splendored Thing...

Always know this... I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you. No ifs, ands, buts or maybes... that's just how I roll... because I am Love, Personified. But... so are You, even if you cannot see it. Love commands respect, understanding & generosity just from its existence alone. It doesn't need to push itself on anyone, it just Is. If none of these keys are present, it's not Love.

If I say it once, twice, a thousand times, I mean it. I never say anything I don't mean, and I always show what I cannot say. I hope for the same in return. Much easier for me to tell the truth than to lie. You deserve that much, as do I. Knowing that I deserve love too is paramount to me being able to love you. I cannot give you what I don't give myself, and that I must always remember to do, first. I teach you how to treat me.

You wonder how can I love you? Because you matter, especially to me. I truly see the Inner You you protect from the world, and that part deserves to feel Love at all times to stay whole. Also, because everyone deserves to be loved. I love you especially because you make a consummate effort to be real & present & honest. You show me who you are at all times. I can't help but love you for that gift.

Some clearly appreciate it and want more; but some clearly don't know how to and squander it. I've met my fair share of both. You cannot give and expect to get back... that's not how it works. If you give just to give, it will come back to you. It always does, just not always from the same place . . . and if you are too busy looking at where you sent it, waiting for it to come back, you miss the deluge about to surround you of what you actually need from everywhere else in your life.