Below is an outline of the Four Agreements . . . reminders that keep me going. ;o)
~~~~~~~~
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, January 29, 2010
Self-Preservation . . .
A good friend asked me this one day . . .
Why do we neglect ourselves during the course of a day, week, month or even a year? Why do we not make ourselves a priority? If we don't do it first, how will anyone else know to make us a priority?
This was my best answer, being equally as guilty to my Self . . .
Because someone got it in their thick skull a long time ago that it was vanity to take care of oneself . . . and some of us chose to believe it & perpetuate it. Or we grew up watching someone give to everyone but themselves, and they thought that was normal, so so did we. Or even worse --- we never saw anyone else do it, so we never learned to. We will give everything to everybody & wonder why we are so tired & drained & frustrated, but especially wonder why no one is giving back to us. Givers need to remember to be Receivers too . . . especially from Themselves. It is not an easy thing to do sometimes until we burn out enough times to realize why and finally fix it.
Being here, on my own, away from family & friends who I was used to giving to & being there for all of the time, taught me to finally put me first; I had no choice but to learn --- there was no one in my way! :oD In fact, it's one of the many reasons I chose to go away to school; I knew if I didn't, I would always be last and it would be my own fault. I needed to take care of me and what I wanted before I never got around to it. I had learned a long time ago from my Dad that "everyone should be a little selfish for themselves; never give everything away." He explained to me then that you are no good to anyone if you give everything away.
Giving to yourself first recharges your batteries to be able to be there for the world. How can you give your best to the world when your battery is dead? Nothing is more important than making YOU a priority to yourself; if you don't who will? If no one is ever there to take care of you, you will always know that you can and will. Even though I learned this as a child, & understood what he meant, putting it into practice was a whole other matter once I was on my own at college. It took numerous baby steps to learn that lesson. I'm still learning, but it gets easier as I get older & wiser.
"Fill yourself up to fullness, to where now you can overflow in giving . . ." The people who have learned that can continue to give without ever wearing out and are always open to receiving what they deserve. Only when you have excess to give, where it won't slight you, should you ever give in the first place. It should never pinch you to give of your heart, time or money. She said it best to me --- "If we don't do it first, how will anyone else know to make us a priority?" We teach people how to treat us, and you are supposed to save a little for yourself . . . love, energy and everything else that is a by-product of those two. You are supposed to treat yourself to the good that Life has to offer. You are important too! You are special too! You deserve all the good that could ever show up in your life, but it cannot come in if you feel undeserving of it by putting yourself last . . . making yourself too tired to even receive it or even see it when it finally shows up.
Full of Love & Energy,
~K~
Why do we neglect ourselves during the course of a day, week, month or even a year? Why do we not make ourselves a priority? If we don't do it first, how will anyone else know to make us a priority?
This was my best answer, being equally as guilty to my Self . . .
Because someone got it in their thick skull a long time ago that it was vanity to take care of oneself . . . and some of us chose to believe it & perpetuate it. Or we grew up watching someone give to everyone but themselves, and they thought that was normal, so so did we. Or even worse --- we never saw anyone else do it, so we never learned to. We will give everything to everybody & wonder why we are so tired & drained & frustrated, but especially wonder why no one is giving back to us. Givers need to remember to be Receivers too . . . especially from Themselves. It is not an easy thing to do sometimes until we burn out enough times to realize why and finally fix it.
Being here, on my own, away from family & friends who I was used to giving to & being there for all of the time, taught me to finally put me first; I had no choice but to learn --- there was no one in my way! :oD In fact, it's one of the many reasons I chose to go away to school; I knew if I didn't, I would always be last and it would be my own fault. I needed to take care of me and what I wanted before I never got around to it. I had learned a long time ago from my Dad that "everyone should be a little selfish for themselves; never give everything away." He explained to me then that you are no good to anyone if you give everything away.
Giving to yourself first recharges your batteries to be able to be there for the world. How can you give your best to the world when your battery is dead? Nothing is more important than making YOU a priority to yourself; if you don't who will? If no one is ever there to take care of you, you will always know that you can and will. Even though I learned this as a child, & understood what he meant, putting it into practice was a whole other matter once I was on my own at college. It took numerous baby steps to learn that lesson. I'm still learning, but it gets easier as I get older & wiser.
"Fill yourself up to fullness, to where now you can overflow in giving . . ." The people who have learned that can continue to give without ever wearing out and are always open to receiving what they deserve. Only when you have excess to give, where it won't slight you, should you ever give in the first place. It should never pinch you to give of your heart, time or money. She said it best to me --- "If we don't do it first, how will anyone else know to make us a priority?" We teach people how to treat us, and you are supposed to save a little for yourself . . . love, energy and everything else that is a by-product of those two. You are supposed to treat yourself to the good that Life has to offer. You are important too! You are special too! You deserve all the good that could ever show up in your life, but it cannot come in if you feel undeserving of it by putting yourself last . . . making yourself too tired to even receive it or even see it when it finally shows up.
Full of Love & Energy,
~K~
When Women Get Bored / When Men get Lazy . . . and vice versa ;o)
We all have that moment when the better part of us knows for sure & tells us that that person / situation is bad news . . . we will regret it in the long run . . . don't go there . . . etc. But, instead of listening to the Voice of Reason, we go full steam ahead into a whole heap of craziness. Why don't we listen, saving ourselves years of heartache & sometimes even therapy? Because sometimes we are just too stubborn for words, too flippin' impatient. We, as humans, get bored waiting for the right thing for us to show up, so we settle for Mr. / Ms. Right Now . . . sometimes we are lucky and it stays just that & we walk away unscathed; however, a good number of us have not been so lucky & got stuck in a relationship we really didn't want . . . and furthermore wonder, "How the hell did I end up here???"
I can admit being guilty of this crime. I came close to doing that because I didn't want a situation anymore, but I didn't want to be "mean" (it was my first time breaking something off with someone . . .). He wanted an extended "relationship", I surely did not. We had nothing but the physical to connect on & I was done with it, but didn't know how to end it. My friend painted a picture that sticks with me to this day & I love her for it . . . all she said to me was, "Do you want to end up married to that???" She didn't have to tell me twice! :o) My moment of insanity was just that, a moment, and all my fault because I was bored & let this situation in when the sane woman in me knew better. One of my old friends below was not so lucky, but it was ALSO his own damn fault.
I had a guy friend once piss & moan for months that he didn't have a girlfriend; he clearly expressed what he was looking for in a woman & was very explicit about what he didn't want. Very, very, VERY explicit. So can someone please tell me why he let the exact thing he DIDN'T want show up & take residence, long enough to break his heart? My first impression of this girl was civil & open-minded; from her picture, she looked nice . . . but when we (his female best friends) met this girl for the first time, we couldn't stop looking at him like he'd grown another head. I was so confused . . . because I know I'd heard him quite clearly in the past, so had everyone he fussed to. Every single damn thing he complained about NOT wanting --- whining, being a big one --- this girl had. I had some sympathy for him in the beginning, until after they broke up. Love is blind, but lust can sometimes make us so stupid. We had asked him much later why he picked this girl . . . his answer --- she picked him, he was horny & she had big boobs. That didn't mean she had to stay, fool! Settling for less than we deserve is laziness, plain & simple. When she showed up, fulfilling a "need" (but not the need he was always fussing about!), he settled for that & got exactly what he deserved for settling . . . a headache, drama & baggage. Sex overrode Reason, making him tolerate things a sane person shouldn't . . . he knew what he wanted, but he settled for what showed up.
Boredom & laziness will give us indigestion we don't need. We need to be pickier about what we let into our space. Be more patient for the right things to show up and evolve into what we need and truly want. We all know better; it's not easy being patient, but we all know we deserve better than what we sometimes get. We have a say in how that should play out. I leave you with another saying that my best friend & I love to remind each other with before we do something we will regret, and I hope it helps you too: "When you see crazy coming --- cross the street!" :o)
Playfully yours,
~K~
A Woman's Wish . . . / Being Nice . . .
Most men wonder what women really need from them.
It is usually, for most of us, very simple:
A woman's wish . . . (at least this one) :o)
I need you
to be my friend:
to be strong when I am weak . . .
to hold me when I cry . . .
to laugh with me . . .
to share with me who you are . . .
to hear me . . .
to listen to me . . .
to be patient with me . . .
to leave your preconcieved ideas about me, at the door when you are with me, because I will surprise you . . .
to want to be there; don't do me any favors trying to appease me . . .
to catch me when I'm falling . . .
to pick me up when I have hit ground . . .
to tell me the truth (the truth hurts a lot less than having to pick up after a lie . . . )
to understand that I don't blame you for the last guy's mistakes, even if you end up making them too . . .
someone willing to pay attention to the little details . . .
. . . . as I said,
someone willing to be my friend. :o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Nice" doesn't mean . . .
-- You take me for granted . . .
-- I'm always gonna be . . .
-- I won't have my bad days . . .
-- You get to trample my feelings . . .
-- I'm not naughty too . . .
-- I'm a pushover . . .
-- I have a hidden agenda . . .
-- You can use me / take advantage . . .
-- I'm blind or naive . . .
"Nice" means . . .
-- I care about you,
-- I will help you,
-- I want what's best for you,
-- I'm not selfish,
-- I'm not mean,
-- I'm not clueless,
-- I like being and staying happy & I always want you to enjoy that too,
-- I think about you,
-- I am who I was born to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~K~
It is usually, for most of us, very simple:
A woman's wish . . . (at least this one) :o)
I need you
to be my friend:
to be strong when I am weak . . .
to hold me when I cry . . .
to laugh with me . . .
to share with me who you are . . .
to hear me . . .
to listen to me . . .
to be patient with me . . .
to leave your preconcieved ideas about me, at the door when you are with me, because I will surprise you . . .
to want to be there; don't do me any favors trying to appease me . . .
to catch me when I'm falling . . .
to pick me up when I have hit ground . . .
to tell me the truth (the truth hurts a lot less than having to pick up after a lie . . . )
to understand that I don't blame you for the last guy's mistakes, even if you end up making them too . . .
someone willing to pay attention to the little details . . .
. . . . as I said,
someone willing to be my friend. :o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Nice" doesn't mean . . .
-- You take me for granted . . .
-- I'm always gonna be . . .
-- I won't have my bad days . . .
-- You get to trample my feelings . . .
-- I'm not naughty too . . .
-- I'm a pushover . . .
-- I have a hidden agenda . . .
-- You can use me / take advantage . . .
-- I'm blind or naive . . .
"Nice" means . . .
-- I care about you,
-- I will help you,
-- I want what's best for you,
-- I'm not selfish,
-- I'm not mean,
-- I'm not clueless,
-- I like being and staying happy & I always want you to enjoy that too,
-- I think about you,
-- I am who I was born to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~K~
Meow . . . .
One day, my best friend asked me this set of questions:
When is a woman considered a cougar? Is it biological, as her estrogen lowers, her sex drive increases? Is it a simple matter of mathematics: Male sexual peak x 2 = cougar's age? If Kittens are 20 somethings and cougars are determined to be 40 somethings and up, then what does that make 30 somethings - Kittgars?? Cougens??? What makes a woman a cougar? Why are women in one camp embracing the term and women in another camp shunning the term?
Since I knew just as much as she did on the subject --- mainly nothing -- I actually had to do some research on it . . . labels don't mean much to me and I really wasn't sure what the consensus was on the subject. All I can say right now is, Oh My! Below is the beginning of some funny information & I hope it helps to clarify things for us both:
~~~~~~
According to David Wygant, in his online article, "Summer is Cougar Season", some of the definitions are as follows . . .
"A woman between the ages of 22 and 29 who has sport sex with younger men is called a puma. Over the age of 30, a woman (whether divorced or never married) who has sex with younger guys is labeled a cougar. Once a woman hits 45 and she indulges in younger men, she is called a sabertooth."
"So how do you know when a woman is a hungry puma, cougar or sabertooth? She's usually the woman at the bar who is looking at men like men look at women. She is undressing you with a complete sexual hunger. She can't stop staring at you, smiling at you, and looking at you."
~~~~~~
Kittens, Pumas, Cougars, Sabertooths, oh my . . . I guess if I must be referred to as something, I'll take a jungle cat over the usual terms . . . like Old Maid or B*tch. ;o) My oh my, how times and terms have changed!
Quite a while back, a reality show, "Age of Love" (similar to the "The Bachelor"), had an interesting twist . . . a 30-Something guy had to choose from two groups of women: the 20-Somethings, the "Kittens", and the 40-Somethings, the "Cougars". This was really the first time I'd actually heard about what being a Cougar was supposed to be all about, and I was curious. Apparently he was used to dating only women younger than himself . . . and the one episode I happened to see, he had actually enjoyed himself much more than he expected to when he was out with some of the Cougars . . . and I really wasn't surprised in the least. You see, at the same time I was approaching Cougardom myself and was curious about this new group I was supposedly entering into. I was enjoying the fact that as I got older, the more I could appreciate an important secret that I believe is the Cougar Fountain of Youth: the less drama you stress over, the younger you look and feel. Bluntly put --- you just don't give a Flying F*ck what anyone thinks anymore and it shows in the confidence that flows from you --- and that is what I've noticed attracts quicker & deeper than just good looks alone.
In a much earlier blog on another page (061408, Good Man / Bad Boy), I pretty much expressed that Confidence = Fun = Sexy . . . "Beauty attracts, but confidence keeps em' there." This can be said about both genders, but women moreso need to always remember these facts. These mature women, happy and satisfied Cougars, I believe have found a freedom they never took liberty of before and are thoroughly enjoying themselves. Could somebody please tell me what the HELL is wrong with that??? I understand that some people are just not used to women openly enjoying their sexual freedom without guilt . . . but when did having a good time between two consenting adults, no matter how old they are, become a crime?
You know, sometimes opposites DO attract . . . and there is NOTHING wrong with that. People who don't seem to "match" on a surface level, may have so much more in common at a deeper one. Some younger men are maturer than their ages reflect. My best friend & I sometimes quote from "The Lion King" when referring to the maturity level (both emotional & sexual) of some men . . . while looking for Mufasa, we've come across our fair share of Simbas & Scars! For a good number of us, we don't go searching for Simba / Mufasa-in-Training that are younger than us . . . they tend to find us and seem to be quite proud of their choices! The irony of it all is that some of us are becoming "Cougars by Default" . . . and if younger men are attracted and not afraid to approach, why shouldn't we say yes? Why shouldn't we be ok that he chose who he chose? It's really none of anyone else's business in the first damn place . . . and if it bothers other people, they don't have to look. Just that simple, really.
So, according to another website I found to get a better handle on this question, these are some definitions to keep in mind if you choose to accept the classifications proudly . . . These are not the only ones, but I had to add them here. They were too funny to me to leave out. ;o)
************************************
Cougardate.com Glossary
COUGAR: Women in their 40s who smoke, drink and go to clubs and pick up men in their 20s. Cougars are often divorced, sometimes with cubs and financially independent.
PUMA: Women in their 30s, also referred to as "cougars in training."
COUGAR CUBS: Women in their 20s.
WILLING PREY: Men.
WHITETAIL DEER: The preferred choice of prey for cougars, usually men in their 20s.
LIVESTOCK: Married men, not that desirable, but an option if prey is scarce. Also known as "domesticated."
ENDANGERED SPECIES: Nice guys.
GAME WARDEN: Men in their 40s and 50s. Not that desirable because they carry tranquillizer guns and relocate cougars against their will.
GURUS: Successful self-made men who have made lots of money, usually in their 40s and 50s. To be closely studied but not hunted.
ROADKILL: One-night stands.
***************************************
I don't see these women as brazen or desperate --- they just know what they want and are not afraid to tell you so, especially if you have the guts to show up and ask. The older we get, the better we know who we are, what we are and what we can "do" with our bodies . . . so what's the problem?
Why are some women embracing this and others not? Probably for the same reason some women shun "feminist", "housewife", "career woman", etc. People act strange with labels . . . they either get pigeon-holed into them or discriminated against by the ignorance of people who think they know what the term means or who the woman "really" is. Personally, I don't hate the jungle cat terms; . . . to me, they are quite amusing. The research alone had me laughing because I wasn't offended in the least.
I think the labeling problem also arises because some women don't want to be associated with the "reflection" of the term, meaning, just out for sex. Not all women with younger men (or men with older women) are in it solely for sex . . . some actually find a common ground and make a relationship work. Sometimes "Society" has a hard time seeing that point and respecting these relationships. You can thank the Double Standard for that . . . she's judged, tarred & feathered with "robbing the cradle" quicker than a man is. You truly have to be secure in who you are always, otherwise any label has the potential to hurt you, if you let it.
So, are you a Stella or Mrs. Robinson . . . and in the end does it really, really matter? If you are happy, again, it's really nobody's business but your own. People are gonna have their opinions and criticisms, with or without you. So the best revenge is to just enjoy yourself as much as you can.
Purring softly,
~K~
When is a woman considered a cougar? Is it biological, as her estrogen lowers, her sex drive increases? Is it a simple matter of mathematics: Male sexual peak x 2 = cougar's age? If Kittens are 20 somethings and cougars are determined to be 40 somethings and up, then what does that make 30 somethings - Kittgars?? Cougens??? What makes a woman a cougar? Why are women in one camp embracing the term and women in another camp shunning the term?
Since I knew just as much as she did on the subject --- mainly nothing -- I actually had to do some research on it . . . labels don't mean much to me and I really wasn't sure what the consensus was on the subject. All I can say right now is, Oh My! Below is the beginning of some funny information & I hope it helps to clarify things for us both:
~~~~~~
According to David Wygant, in his online article, "Summer is Cougar Season", some of the definitions are as follows . . .
"A woman between the ages of 22 and 29 who has sport sex with younger men is called a puma. Over the age of 30, a woman (whether divorced or never married) who has sex with younger guys is labeled a cougar. Once a woman hits 45 and she indulges in younger men, she is called a sabertooth."
"So how do you know when a woman is a hungry puma, cougar or sabertooth? She's usually the woman at the bar who is looking at men like men look at women. She is undressing you with a complete sexual hunger. She can't stop staring at you, smiling at you, and looking at you."
~~~~~~
Kittens, Pumas, Cougars, Sabertooths, oh my . . . I guess if I must be referred to as something, I'll take a jungle cat over the usual terms . . . like Old Maid or B*tch. ;o) My oh my, how times and terms have changed!
Quite a while back, a reality show, "Age of Love" (similar to the "The Bachelor"), had an interesting twist . . . a 30-Something guy had to choose from two groups of women: the 20-Somethings, the "Kittens", and the 40-Somethings, the "Cougars". This was really the first time I'd actually heard about what being a Cougar was supposed to be all about, and I was curious. Apparently he was used to dating only women younger than himself . . . and the one episode I happened to see, he had actually enjoyed himself much more than he expected to when he was out with some of the Cougars . . . and I really wasn't surprised in the least. You see, at the same time I was approaching Cougardom myself and was curious about this new group I was supposedly entering into. I was enjoying the fact that as I got older, the more I could appreciate an important secret that I believe is the Cougar Fountain of Youth: the less drama you stress over, the younger you look and feel. Bluntly put --- you just don't give a Flying F*ck what anyone thinks anymore and it shows in the confidence that flows from you --- and that is what I've noticed attracts quicker & deeper than just good looks alone.
In a much earlier blog on another page (061408, Good Man / Bad Boy), I pretty much expressed that Confidence = Fun = Sexy . . . "Beauty attracts, but confidence keeps em' there." This can be said about both genders, but women moreso need to always remember these facts. These mature women, happy and satisfied Cougars, I believe have found a freedom they never took liberty of before and are thoroughly enjoying themselves. Could somebody please tell me what the HELL is wrong with that??? I understand that some people are just not used to women openly enjoying their sexual freedom without guilt . . . but when did having a good time between two consenting adults, no matter how old they are, become a crime?
You know, sometimes opposites DO attract . . . and there is NOTHING wrong with that. People who don't seem to "match" on a surface level, may have so much more in common at a deeper one. Some younger men are maturer than their ages reflect. My best friend & I sometimes quote from "The Lion King" when referring to the maturity level (both emotional & sexual) of some men . . . while looking for Mufasa, we've come across our fair share of Simbas & Scars! For a good number of us, we don't go searching for Simba / Mufasa-in-Training that are younger than us . . . they tend to find us and seem to be quite proud of their choices! The irony of it all is that some of us are becoming "Cougars by Default" . . . and if younger men are attracted and not afraid to approach, why shouldn't we say yes? Why shouldn't we be ok that he chose who he chose? It's really none of anyone else's business in the first damn place . . . and if it bothers other people, they don't have to look. Just that simple, really.
So, according to another website I found to get a better handle on this question, these are some definitions to keep in mind if you choose to accept the classifications proudly . . . These are not the only ones, but I had to add them here. They were too funny to me to leave out. ;o)
************************************
Cougardate.com Glossary
COUGAR: Women in their 40s who smoke, drink and go to clubs and pick up men in their 20s. Cougars are often divorced, sometimes with cubs and financially independent.
PUMA: Women in their 30s, also referred to as "cougars in training."
COUGAR CUBS: Women in their 20s.
WILLING PREY: Men.
WHITETAIL DEER: The preferred choice of prey for cougars, usually men in their 20s.
LIVESTOCK: Married men, not that desirable, but an option if prey is scarce. Also known as "domesticated."
ENDANGERED SPECIES: Nice guys.
GAME WARDEN: Men in their 40s and 50s. Not that desirable because they carry tranquillizer guns and relocate cougars against their will.
GURUS: Successful self-made men who have made lots of money, usually in their 40s and 50s. To be closely studied but not hunted.
ROADKILL: One-night stands.
***************************************
I don't see these women as brazen or desperate --- they just know what they want and are not afraid to tell you so, especially if you have the guts to show up and ask. The older we get, the better we know who we are, what we are and what we can "do" with our bodies . . . so what's the problem?
Why are some women embracing this and others not? Probably for the same reason some women shun "feminist", "housewife", "career woman", etc. People act strange with labels . . . they either get pigeon-holed into them or discriminated against by the ignorance of people who think they know what the term means or who the woman "really" is. Personally, I don't hate the jungle cat terms; . . . to me, they are quite amusing. The research alone had me laughing because I wasn't offended in the least.
I think the labeling problem also arises because some women don't want to be associated with the "reflection" of the term, meaning, just out for sex. Not all women with younger men (or men with older women) are in it solely for sex . . . some actually find a common ground and make a relationship work. Sometimes "Society" has a hard time seeing that point and respecting these relationships. You can thank the Double Standard for that . . . she's judged, tarred & feathered with "robbing the cradle" quicker than a man is. You truly have to be secure in who you are always, otherwise any label has the potential to hurt you, if you let it.
So, are you a Stella or Mrs. Robinson . . . and in the end does it really, really matter? If you are happy, again, it's really nobody's business but your own. People are gonna have their opinions and criticisms, with or without you. So the best revenge is to just enjoy yourself as much as you can.
Purring softly,
~K~
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Internal Affairs . . .
Women ask questions. We ask lots & lots & lots of questions. We know it sometimes makes men crazy . . . believe me, sometimes it makes us crazy too. Some women ask questions for the same reasons some men refuse to answer them --- we don't want to look foolish. Sometimes it's because we just don't trust something we see; we have been hurt or lied to too many times and are feeling insecure. Someone did something that made us doubt our intuition, our sight. Other times it's just our natural curiosity . . . it's how we figure things out.
Most of the time, when a woman asks you a question, she just wants to know you better. That's it. Simple. You may wonder, "Why is she asking so much?" It's because most of you don't volunteer ANYTHING. If we don't ask, we won't know . . . and we deserve to know before we share who we are with you, completely. We are not mindreaders, just sensitive. Most of us do not expect you to be just like our girlfriends . . . but a little interaction other than going straight to sex goes a long way with us to actually getting sex. Think about that for a long moment . . . Mind - Heart - Body. We are communicators first, romantics second, lovers last. Get the 1st two right & you can have whatever you want from us.
Also, the way you choose to answer can say more about you than the actual answer. We don't read more into the answer until you give us a reason to. For instance, when you clearly avoid answering something . . . you provoke doubt, which provokes more questions. You've confused us, and we are trying to make sense of it all. With TMI (too much information), however, you are ALLOWED to screen your answers! Trust me, we definitely do!!! There are certain things we don't need to know . . . anything you could & would brag about with your guy friends, you do not have to share with us, especially when 1st getting to know us. Honesty is a good thing, but not if it makes me think you are psycho. Run any answer past a female friend first if you are not sure; if she doesn't cringe, you are safe.
When it comes to relationships, given the right opportunity (everything she wants from you is there, front & center), a woman will always jump in, no questions asked. If who you really are is who you are always showing her, she will trust her intuition about you and be into you 100%. She wants to be happy, plain & simple . . . and if you have done it all right, you will be happy too. Some men have the guts to ask us what we want . . . Your mission, if you are man enough to take it on, is to help us regain that trust in ourselves. Creatively impress me and my heart will follow . . . win over both my mind & my heart, my body will join effortlessly. A good man, willing to tackle the challenge of impressing my mind, deserves my heart and body as the prize.
So, if we ask you something, the most important thing you could ever do for us is to, please, just answer the question. You'll be glad you did.
~K~
W-O-L, Issue nº 176 - Why we love men
This was a great set of lists . . . had to share. Enjoy.
==============
Published by Paulo Coelho on July 9, 2008 in Warrior Of Light.
A friend of mine, Julia, sent me the text below. When I tried to get in touch with her to ask if she herself had written it, she had already left on a trip and I don’t know exactly when she will be coming back.
I checked on the Internet and guess what I discovered? That there are many discussion groups on this subject! In other words, nowadays women are looking for reasons to fall in love with the opposite sex.
As a man who agrees with some of these reasons, I made a list based on what they say:
We love men because they can’t fake an orgasm, even if they wanted to.
Because they will never understand us, yet even so they go on trying.
Because they still manage to see our beauty, even when we ourselves no longer believe it.
Because they understand equations, politics, maths and economics, but not the feminine heart.
Because they are lovers who only rest when we have had (or pretend to have had) pleasure.
Because they manage to raise sport to something bordering on religion.
Because they are never afraid of the dark.
Because they insist on fixing things that are beyond their capacity, and dedicate themselves to this with the same enthusiasm as an adolescent, and get frustrated when they don’t succeed.
Because they are like pomegranates: most of them is impossible to digest, but the seeds are delicious.
Because they never comment on what the neighbors might think.
Because we always know what they are thinking, and when they open their mouth they say exactly what we imagined they would.
Because they never dreamed of torturing themselves wearing high heels.
Because they love to explore our body and conquer our soul.
Because a 14-year-old girl can leave them speechless, and a 25-year-old woman can tame them quite effortlessly.
Because they are always attracted by extremes: the opulent or the ascetic, warriors or monks, artists or generals.
Because they do absolutely everything possible to try to hide their weaknesses.
Because a man’s biggest fear is not being a man (it never crosses a woman’s mind not to be a woman).
Because they always eat everything on their plate, and don’t feel guilty about it.
Because they take great delight in completely uninteresting matters, such as what happened at work, or different makes of automobiles.
Because they have shoulders where we can rest our heads and sleep without much effort.
Because they are at peace with their bodies, except for small, insignificant things like growing bald and getting fat.
Because they are incredibly courageous in front of insects.
Because they never lie about their age.
Because despite everything they try to demonstrate, they can’t live without a woman.
Because when we tell one of them “I love you”, they always ask us to explain exactly how.
One reader, Kristen, claims that we know absolutely nothing about feminine nature, and sends us the following list:
1 – We women are born detectives. In our eyes, all men are suspect and their adventures will end up being discovered – it’s just a matter of time.
2 – Even if we are not in love with you, hearing “I love you” is a balm to our souls. And if you don’t say it, we will notice and become sad.
3 – The same thing happens with “you are beautiful”. It takes less than two seconds to say these three magical words, which can change our nightmares into real fairy tales.
4 – If we ask what clothes we should wear, don’t be annoyed if we put on exactly the opposite of what you chose – that’s part of our nature.
5 – At a party we are capable of scanning the whole room in less than a minute to find out what interests us. Just watch.
6 – We think of sex with the same compulsion as men - or maybe even more so. The only difference is that we don’t show it.
7 – If we don’t accept immediately an invitation to dinner or a first date, don’t worry – we just need a few days to lose the extra kilos that we always feel are ruining our lives.
8 – Women always remember everything. If you ask when we met, none of us will say: “at a party”. We will say: “it was a Tuesday, right after a dinner where they served salad and chicken broth, and you were wearing a black blazer and designer shoes, and so on.
9 – However much love we are capable of giving, there are seven days when we want to be far from everything and everybody. You have two options: tie yourself to a lamp-post and wait till the storm is over, or else go the nearest jeweler’s and buy a present. We recommend the second option.
10 – We have as much power of reasoning as men do. But we don’t need to make this evident, otherwise you will feel insecure. Women who do that end up alone.
11 – We love all kinds of hair on the male body, although waxing is our favorite torture.
12 – We hate making love when we don’t feel like it, but we do it anyway, and you will never be able to notice the difference.
13 – Play with our pets and our children, and we will play with you. Ignore them, and we will ignore you too.
14 – Women are equipped with X-ray vision. We can look at hard, dark eyes and discover the child hiding behind them. We can stare at angel-blue eyes and discover the demon that lies there. We know when men are pretending to be sleeping from tiredness or – more obviously – when they are pretending not to be sleeping with someone else.
15 – Not all women want marriage and children. Many just want orgasms and pets.
16 – When delicateness is genuine, it can melt our hardened hearts.
17 - If we have some problem to discuss with you, don’t try to give us the solution, we already have one. It’s just a pretext to prevent the relationship ending in boredom.
=================
==============
Published by Paulo Coelho on July 9, 2008 in Warrior Of Light.
A friend of mine, Julia, sent me the text below. When I tried to get in touch with her to ask if she herself had written it, she had already left on a trip and I don’t know exactly when she will be coming back.
I checked on the Internet and guess what I discovered? That there are many discussion groups on this subject! In other words, nowadays women are looking for reasons to fall in love with the opposite sex.
As a man who agrees with some of these reasons, I made a list based on what they say:
We love men because they can’t fake an orgasm, even if they wanted to.
Because they will never understand us, yet even so they go on trying.
Because they still manage to see our beauty, even when we ourselves no longer believe it.
Because they understand equations, politics, maths and economics, but not the feminine heart.
Because they are lovers who only rest when we have had (or pretend to have had) pleasure.
Because they manage to raise sport to something bordering on religion.
Because they are never afraid of the dark.
Because they insist on fixing things that are beyond their capacity, and dedicate themselves to this with the same enthusiasm as an adolescent, and get frustrated when they don’t succeed.
Because they are like pomegranates: most of them is impossible to digest, but the seeds are delicious.
Because they never comment on what the neighbors might think.
Because we always know what they are thinking, and when they open their mouth they say exactly what we imagined they would.
Because they never dreamed of torturing themselves wearing high heels.
Because they love to explore our body and conquer our soul.
Because a 14-year-old girl can leave them speechless, and a 25-year-old woman can tame them quite effortlessly.
Because they are always attracted by extremes: the opulent or the ascetic, warriors or monks, artists or generals.
Because they do absolutely everything possible to try to hide their weaknesses.
Because a man’s biggest fear is not being a man (it never crosses a woman’s mind not to be a woman).
Because they always eat everything on their plate, and don’t feel guilty about it.
Because they take great delight in completely uninteresting matters, such as what happened at work, or different makes of automobiles.
Because they have shoulders where we can rest our heads and sleep without much effort.
Because they are at peace with their bodies, except for small, insignificant things like growing bald and getting fat.
Because they are incredibly courageous in front of insects.
Because they never lie about their age.
Because despite everything they try to demonstrate, they can’t live without a woman.
Because when we tell one of them “I love you”, they always ask us to explain exactly how.
One reader, Kristen, claims that we know absolutely nothing about feminine nature, and sends us the following list:
1 – We women are born detectives. In our eyes, all men are suspect and their adventures will end up being discovered – it’s just a matter of time.
2 – Even if we are not in love with you, hearing “I love you” is a balm to our souls. And if you don’t say it, we will notice and become sad.
3 – The same thing happens with “you are beautiful”. It takes less than two seconds to say these three magical words, which can change our nightmares into real fairy tales.
4 – If we ask what clothes we should wear, don’t be annoyed if we put on exactly the opposite of what you chose – that’s part of our nature.
5 – At a party we are capable of scanning the whole room in less than a minute to find out what interests us. Just watch.
6 – We think of sex with the same compulsion as men - or maybe even more so. The only difference is that we don’t show it.
7 – If we don’t accept immediately an invitation to dinner or a first date, don’t worry – we just need a few days to lose the extra kilos that we always feel are ruining our lives.
8 – Women always remember everything. If you ask when we met, none of us will say: “at a party”. We will say: “it was a Tuesday, right after a dinner where they served salad and chicken broth, and you were wearing a black blazer and designer shoes, and so on.
9 – However much love we are capable of giving, there are seven days when we want to be far from everything and everybody. You have two options: tie yourself to a lamp-post and wait till the storm is over, or else go the nearest jeweler’s and buy a present. We recommend the second option.
10 – We have as much power of reasoning as men do. But we don’t need to make this evident, otherwise you will feel insecure. Women who do that end up alone.
11 – We love all kinds of hair on the male body, although waxing is our favorite torture.
12 – We hate making love when we don’t feel like it, but we do it anyway, and you will never be able to notice the difference.
13 – Play with our pets and our children, and we will play with you. Ignore them, and we will ignore you too.
14 – Women are equipped with X-ray vision. We can look at hard, dark eyes and discover the child hiding behind them. We can stare at angel-blue eyes and discover the demon that lies there. We know when men are pretending to be sleeping from tiredness or – more obviously – when they are pretending not to be sleeping with someone else.
15 – Not all women want marriage and children. Many just want orgasms and pets.
16 – When delicateness is genuine, it can melt our hardened hearts.
17 - If we have some problem to discuss with you, don’t try to give us the solution, we already have one. It’s just a pretext to prevent the relationship ending in boredom.
=================
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Male Maturity . . .
I write to clear my head & my heart of the confusion relating sometimes brings. I haven't felt the need to write in some time, but late-night conversations with my best friend tend to provoke these commentaries out of me. Always one to try finding the positive, I woke up needing to release them, so into my journal they went, until now . . .
++++++++++++
Eventhough I went to bed slightly irritated, I eventually woke up relieved because I finally figured out how to sort it all out in the future . . . "it", being my problem ---- a 'Men versus boys' situation. I've come to realize the biggest part of the confusion . . . there are more boys out there in men's bodies than men in men's bodies . . . and sometimes, we can't tell the difference.
Example . . . I was communicating with a few people I thought were mature men. We were having great email & in-person conversations, until one day, out of the blue (at least to me) with each one, they just disappeared. Now, these weren't strangers; one was an acquaintance becoming a friend, while another was an old colleague, re-connecting. I knew enough about both to feel comfortable sharing . . . until they disappeared, without a trace, with out a word, without even a smoke signal. Doesn't matter that they weren't dating me . . . that's not how you'd treat a business associate, so why do that to me, the person trying to become better acquainted with you --- your friend? Why would I want any more contact with you, after that? Really.
With one guy, I deleted our emails except for the 1st one . . . it was a group message response that didn't bother me, before we ended up where we are now, so I kept it. But the other messages, had to go. I did the same eventually with the other guy too. I cannot keep things around that remind me you have been M.I.A. I'm a Girl. I have feelings I actually use. I need contact. I need communication. I need interaction. Not all the time, but certainly not the crumbs you give because others have been willing to accept that.
How patient should you be with someone? Most women do not walk away from a "situation" as soon as most guys do . . . we actually wait a little bit, to see if they've changed their minds, because, sometimes, last minute, they do. We can & should only be patient but so long. If it feels like its to your detriment, then you must leave. Have to. Soon. After I got over the hurt, I wasn't mad with either . . . just disappointed, again. I was hoping these two would be different, because of how they approached, but no. Not as deeply disappointed as the last one, though. No crying, just withdrawl, as always, when it just doesn't feel right anymore.
Women have needs to be met too, and guys, not picking a direction, stop us in our tracks. Primary reason we get irrational. The longer they drag their feet or make no move, the more time they give us to decide if they are worth the effort.
We get accused of being demanding & nagging, but most of us only get like that when guys don't make a decision. Or even worse --- they make a decision about the relationship and don't tell us --- like they are the only ones in it.
Some guys don't realize the wake they leave when they just up & disappear . . . women get hurt & upset because it is no easier for us to open up . . . we have just had more practice. That's it. When you walk away with no explanation, you leave us feeling vulnerable & exposed & angry that we bothered with you in the first place. After you've ticked me off like that, you have some work ahead of you now. You want to interact with me, you figure out where to find me. None of this cryptic crap. No fishing. No toe-dipping unless you want it chopped off. Come out straight or leave me alone.
I asked a friend once, why do guys start things they clearly aren't ready for . . . his answer to me was, "if we didn't jump in, we never would". I understand the initial thought . . . but some of you jump without looking where you are landing . . . and it's usually why you end up with a crazy woman. And sometimes, after you've still not dealt with the baggage she left behind, we, the rest of the female population, get branded with the "crazy stick". It's not fair, lumping us all together.
You get what you attract to you, while the rest of us look on, puzzled as to why you don't think you deserve better than you settle for. For some, it's just plain laziness . . . but for others, it's just not knowing your worth. When you know better, you do better . . . and what you don't know, you must be willing to learn.
The Man who can figure out how to be my friend, can have anything he wants from me, because he will have earned it. My brother holds that spot for a reason . . . And no man, outside of the ones I call "brothers" and a few that are reaching that treasured status, has worked hard enough lately to reach that summit. Pity. I'm worth the effort . . . .
If you choose to, you acquire many gifts with me:
I'm giving to a fault . . .
Loyal, happy, protective . . .
Encouraging, fair, deep . . .
Playful, sensual, loving.
The last man to be direct with me, the way I like it, paved the way for the One --- He is not the only one, but the best one to come, matching me in all the right ways, and challenging me too. My bud was the closest . . . leaving such a mark, I always wonder blissfully who's next.
What intrigued me most about my friend was that as I got to know him better, he helped me remember what set him off from the rest of the pack. My friend knew his worth.
He was a Man, not a boy:
He wasn't afraid to be wrong or be corrected.
He expressed himself as the situation dictated -- if it called for emotion, he showed it. If it called for humor, out it came. If it called for humility, he apologized sincerely. If it called for comfort, he gave it before it was asked for . . . and if it called for protection, a knight always showed up.
He's confident. Honest. Sweet. F'n crazy.
Never once have I not known where I stood with him, after our "growing pain" stage.
I've always known what he wants from me . . . . especially when I ask him.
I'm never confused for long by his actions, because when I'm confused, I ask. He always responds.
Age does not denote maturity, experience does . . . and the things he has experienced have taught him to be a better person.
He shows, clear and strong, how wonderful a person he is . . .
I adore him. I respect him. I admire him. I cherish him. I love him.
He is my friend & my kindred spirit.
To all the wonderful men in my life, I salute you. If we don't cultivate the good ones, there won't be any to teach the rest by example . . . or slap them upside the head for being moronic --- whatever works!
~K~
++++++++++++
Eventhough I went to bed slightly irritated, I eventually woke up relieved because I finally figured out how to sort it all out in the future . . . "it", being my problem ---- a 'Men versus boys' situation. I've come to realize the biggest part of the confusion . . . there are more boys out there in men's bodies than men in men's bodies . . . and sometimes, we can't tell the difference.
Example . . . I was communicating with a few people I thought were mature men. We were having great email & in-person conversations, until one day, out of the blue (at least to me) with each one, they just disappeared. Now, these weren't strangers; one was an acquaintance becoming a friend, while another was an old colleague, re-connecting. I knew enough about both to feel comfortable sharing . . . until they disappeared, without a trace, with out a word, without even a smoke signal. Doesn't matter that they weren't dating me . . . that's not how you'd treat a business associate, so why do that to me, the person trying to become better acquainted with you --- your friend? Why would I want any more contact with you, after that? Really.
With one guy, I deleted our emails except for the 1st one . . . it was a group message response that didn't bother me, before we ended up where we are now, so I kept it. But the other messages, had to go. I did the same eventually with the other guy too. I cannot keep things around that remind me you have been M.I.A. I'm a Girl. I have feelings I actually use. I need contact. I need communication. I need interaction. Not all the time, but certainly not the crumbs you give because others have been willing to accept that.
How patient should you be with someone? Most women do not walk away from a "situation" as soon as most guys do . . . we actually wait a little bit, to see if they've changed their minds, because, sometimes, last minute, they do. We can & should only be patient but so long. If it feels like its to your detriment, then you must leave. Have to. Soon. After I got over the hurt, I wasn't mad with either . . . just disappointed, again. I was hoping these two would be different, because of how they approached, but no. Not as deeply disappointed as the last one, though. No crying, just withdrawl, as always, when it just doesn't feel right anymore.
Women have needs to be met too, and guys, not picking a direction, stop us in our tracks. Primary reason we get irrational. The longer they drag their feet or make no move, the more time they give us to decide if they are worth the effort.
We get accused of being demanding & nagging, but most of us only get like that when guys don't make a decision. Or even worse --- they make a decision about the relationship and don't tell us --- like they are the only ones in it.
Some guys don't realize the wake they leave when they just up & disappear . . . women get hurt & upset because it is no easier for us to open up . . . we have just had more practice. That's it. When you walk away with no explanation, you leave us feeling vulnerable & exposed & angry that we bothered with you in the first place. After you've ticked me off like that, you have some work ahead of you now. You want to interact with me, you figure out where to find me. None of this cryptic crap. No fishing. No toe-dipping unless you want it chopped off. Come out straight or leave me alone.
I asked a friend once, why do guys start things they clearly aren't ready for . . . his answer to me was, "if we didn't jump in, we never would". I understand the initial thought . . . but some of you jump without looking where you are landing . . . and it's usually why you end up with a crazy woman. And sometimes, after you've still not dealt with the baggage she left behind, we, the rest of the female population, get branded with the "crazy stick". It's not fair, lumping us all together.
You get what you attract to you, while the rest of us look on, puzzled as to why you don't think you deserve better than you settle for. For some, it's just plain laziness . . . but for others, it's just not knowing your worth. When you know better, you do better . . . and what you don't know, you must be willing to learn.
The Man who can figure out how to be my friend, can have anything he wants from me, because he will have earned it. My brother holds that spot for a reason . . . And no man, outside of the ones I call "brothers" and a few that are reaching that treasured status, has worked hard enough lately to reach that summit. Pity. I'm worth the effort . . . .
If you choose to, you acquire many gifts with me:
I'm giving to a fault . . .
Loyal, happy, protective . . .
Encouraging, fair, deep . . .
Playful, sensual, loving.
The last man to be direct with me, the way I like it, paved the way for the One --- He is not the only one, but the best one to come, matching me in all the right ways, and challenging me too. My bud was the closest . . . leaving such a mark, I always wonder blissfully who's next.
What intrigued me most about my friend was that as I got to know him better, he helped me remember what set him off from the rest of the pack. My friend knew his worth.
He was a Man, not a boy:
He wasn't afraid to be wrong or be corrected.
He expressed himself as the situation dictated -- if it called for emotion, he showed it. If it called for humor, out it came. If it called for humility, he apologized sincerely. If it called for comfort, he gave it before it was asked for . . . and if it called for protection, a knight always showed up.
He's confident. Honest. Sweet. F'n crazy.
Never once have I not known where I stood with him, after our "growing pain" stage.
I've always known what he wants from me . . . . especially when I ask him.
I'm never confused for long by his actions, because when I'm confused, I ask. He always responds.
Age does not denote maturity, experience does . . . and the things he has experienced have taught him to be a better person.
He shows, clear and strong, how wonderful a person he is . . .
I adore him. I respect him. I admire him. I cherish him. I love him.
He is my friend & my kindred spirit.
To all the wonderful men in my life, I salute you. If we don't cultivate the good ones, there won't be any to teach the rest by example . . . or slap them upside the head for being moronic --- whatever works!
~K~
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Removing the layers . . .
I am short, but I like what I'm able to do, being the height I am. I am thick; bigger or smaller, I will always be thick & solid. I appreciate the strength in my legs. My breasts are full & soft & fit my body. My arms are not perfect, but they are mine; I love the surface area that allowed me to put a large tattoo that I designed there. I smile every time I look in the mirror, proud of my creation. I have a surgeon's fingers, adept & delicate. My wide feet plant me firmly when I attempt my umpteenth cartwheel, or Warrior's Pose in Yoga or an arabesque in the pool. My butt is hard as a rock & my hips full from dancing my whole life . . . even my belly gives me joy, jiggling when I laugh. Like my best friend reminds me, I have spent my whole life building this body, and in it's many incarnations, it has served me well.
Right now, I am preparing to go somewhere I've never been before . . . into a new body I'm learning to appreciate as I continue healing my heart, mind & soul. The physical is all I have left to remould & I am so ready to have the outside match the inside. Perfecting the vessel is worth the work, especially when you finally learn that it is for you & only you that that change should ever be done for. I am ready to step into who I know lurks in there. I want to see her for all her glory. I am strong enough to be her now.
~K~
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Being Real . . .
I thought about something a new friend wrote in his profile a while back & I have to agree with his commentary about looking for a "real" man . . . "Hey, do yourself a favor, don't tell people that. Instead simply recognize when you come across a real man and stop looking for real drama." I hope he doesn't mind me quoting him, because what he said was the truth, but there is more to be said, though, for that. The flipside of that comment that most women get fed is "You are too good to be true." Most of the people who say these types of things wouldn't know "real" if it showed up & bit them on the behind. When good things show up in their lives, they do not know how to accept them.
So, what is the answer?
Real, to me, means being present, front & center. Willing to be visible. Willing to be vulnerable to gain what you want, whatever that may be. Able to laugh at yourself; not take yourself so seriously. Before someone can know what real is, they have to be willing to look at themselves and really scrutinize what they are bringing to the party. They have to be willing to really see themselves like others do, good & bad. Again, you get what you are willing to give. Because a lot of us are walking through life thinking we are being present & we aren't . . . thinking we are sharing who we "really" are with the world, but honestly only sharing a small portion of that, waiting for the other person to go first, give more, before we show our full hand.
I know cannot live like that. I refuse to. It physically hurts to stifle the best parts of me, hide my laughter & my tears, my spirituality & my raucousness, because someone cannot figure out how to act right around me. When they get like that, that is my cue to leave, because staying & encouraging the drama is not my game. As my friend or partner, I show you everything I am made of, good & bad . . . and I expect the same in return. That is the only way you are gonna know the people you are choosing to deal with. I cannot make an educated decision without the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Besides, whatever you think you are hiding, people see it anyway! (Smile!) Why waste that energy? Also, the good people who really want to know you, inside & out, will always find you. I have enough wonderful friends to remind me of that fact.
~K~
So, what is the answer?
Real, to me, means being present, front & center. Willing to be visible. Willing to be vulnerable to gain what you want, whatever that may be. Able to laugh at yourself; not take yourself so seriously. Before someone can know what real is, they have to be willing to look at themselves and really scrutinize what they are bringing to the party. They have to be willing to really see themselves like others do, good & bad. Again, you get what you are willing to give. Because a lot of us are walking through life thinking we are being present & we aren't . . . thinking we are sharing who we "really" are with the world, but honestly only sharing a small portion of that, waiting for the other person to go first, give more, before we show our full hand.
I know cannot live like that. I refuse to. It physically hurts to stifle the best parts of me, hide my laughter & my tears, my spirituality & my raucousness, because someone cannot figure out how to act right around me. When they get like that, that is my cue to leave, because staying & encouraging the drama is not my game. As my friend or partner, I show you everything I am made of, good & bad . . . and I expect the same in return. That is the only way you are gonna know the people you are choosing to deal with. I cannot make an educated decision without the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Besides, whatever you think you are hiding, people see it anyway! (Smile!) Why waste that energy? Also, the good people who really want to know you, inside & out, will always find you. I have enough wonderful friends to remind me of that fact.
~K~
A Timeless Reflection . . .
Regardless of one's religious & spiritual outlook, I don't believe humans were meant to exist alone. No matter what or how we do it, we seek out people like us to enjoy Life with. We are beings who like to share . . . our joys, our tragedies, our childhoods, our fears, our dreams, our love. If we attempted to learn all there was to know & feel & love about this life, we would be here an awfully long, long, long time. One way of bridging that long walk alone would be to learn from others' experiences. I think that there are certain people out there, who feel like I do about some things, who I don't always have to explain myself completely to because they have seen or felt a similar feeling . . . who mirror me in some ways & show me facets of me I never knew existed or were waiting to emerge, had I never met them. People who show me a different direction my life could have taken, had I turned right instead of left. You may have another word for those special people other than "friends"; I choose Soulmates.
So, yes. Yes, I do believe in soulmates, but in a broader sense than I used to, than it usually gets reflected as . . . which is why I could see being involved with someone that doesn't believe in soul mates, even though I do. The wonderful thing about being individuals is, we don't have to agree on everything to co-exist. That person is also in my life for a reason --- whether it is to open his eyes to the possibility of other things, or to remind me what I don't want & learn how to leave when I stop growing in that union --- there is always a lesson to be gleaned from every person that walks in to your life. We are always students and teachers to someone as we walk through our lives.
Part of what provoked the commentary below comes from what a friend & I had both been reading; it had been a Paulo Coehlo / Richard Bach weekend for us both; Paulo for her, Richard for me . . .
From me:
"In the past, especially the way it was always hinted at, I thought "life partner" only. But then one day, I heard someone say "There is no one and only soulmate --- we are all soulmates." Anyone who opens you up and makes you better than you were before, who connects with you on a number of core beliefs, who helps you see you in a way you never thought possible, is your soulmate, sent here or asked to come here to teach you something about Life. If we are lucky & patient enough to keep growing & changing, we may find a partner who is also a soulmate like us, and however long we choose to stay together, depends on us & the path we choose to walk together. Comes back to that "Reason, Season, Lifetime" anecdote we all like to pass around so much. I have to believe both is possible, when I look at my parents, but I have to agree, Teacher is the most important role of a Soulmate."
My friend's response to my comment:
"I definitely think teacher/healer. A meeting with a purpose and we can have more than one. Thomas calls it soul bonding rather than soul "mating" because 'mate' implies one and only one and a soul mate may not be here in this lifetime to teach you about the heart or about love. You may meet them for a different purpose in this lifetime and then you limit yourself by the "mating" definition - the limitation can cause you to miss out on so many wonderful experiences that can also aid in your personal growth. I believe in the 'reason, season, lifetime' quote. We are here to be each other's teachers whether you believe in one lifetime or multiple lifetimes. We are each the student and each the teacher...."
So, to my soulmates out there who have opened me up and made me stronger for their presence, I thank you. Your lives all tell a story we have so much to learn from. Thank you for sharing who you are, always.
So, yes. Yes, I do believe in soulmates, but in a broader sense than I used to, than it usually gets reflected as . . . which is why I could see being involved with someone that doesn't believe in soul mates, even though I do. The wonderful thing about being individuals is, we don't have to agree on everything to co-exist. That person is also in my life for a reason --- whether it is to open his eyes to the possibility of other things, or to remind me what I don't want & learn how to leave when I stop growing in that union --- there is always a lesson to be gleaned from every person that walks in to your life. We are always students and teachers to someone as we walk through our lives.
Part of what provoked the commentary below comes from what a friend & I had both been reading; it had been a Paulo Coehlo / Richard Bach weekend for us both; Paulo for her, Richard for me . . .
From me:
"In the past, especially the way it was always hinted at, I thought "life partner" only. But then one day, I heard someone say "There is no one and only soulmate --- we are all soulmates." Anyone who opens you up and makes you better than you were before, who connects with you on a number of core beliefs, who helps you see you in a way you never thought possible, is your soulmate, sent here or asked to come here to teach you something about Life. If we are lucky & patient enough to keep growing & changing, we may find a partner who is also a soulmate like us, and however long we choose to stay together, depends on us & the path we choose to walk together. Comes back to that "Reason, Season, Lifetime" anecdote we all like to pass around so much. I have to believe both is possible, when I look at my parents, but I have to agree, Teacher is the most important role of a Soulmate."
My friend's response to my comment:
"I definitely think teacher/healer. A meeting with a purpose and we can have more than one. Thomas calls it soul bonding rather than soul "mating" because 'mate' implies one and only one and a soul mate may not be here in this lifetime to teach you about the heart or about love. You may meet them for a different purpose in this lifetime and then you limit yourself by the "mating" definition - the limitation can cause you to miss out on so many wonderful experiences that can also aid in your personal growth. I believe in the 'reason, season, lifetime' quote. We are here to be each other's teachers whether you believe in one lifetime or multiple lifetimes. We are each the student and each the teacher...."
So, to my soulmates out there who have opened me up and made me stronger for their presence, I thank you. Your lives all tell a story we have so much to learn from. Thank you for sharing who you are, always.
To Let Go Takes Love . . .
Not mine . . . found this & appreciated it for its clarity.
K
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"To Let Go" doesn't mean to stop caring it means I can't do it for someone else.
"To Let Go" is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can't control another.
"To Let Go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
"To Let Go" is to admit powerlessness which means the outcome is not in my hands.
"To Let Go" is not to try to change or blame another it is to make the most of myself.
"To Let Go" is not to care for but to care about, not to fix but be supportive.
"To Let Go" is not to judge but to allow another to be a human being.
"To Let Go" is to not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow another to affect their own destiny.
"To Let Go" is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
"To Let Go" is not to deny, but to accept.
"To Let Go" is not to nag, scold, or argue but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
"To Let Go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
"To Let Go" is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the present and for the future.
"To Let Go" is to fear less, and to love more…
Take a deep breath and... "Let Go".
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K
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"To Let Go" doesn't mean to stop caring it means I can't do it for someone else.
"To Let Go" is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can't control another.
"To Let Go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
"To Let Go" is to admit powerlessness which means the outcome is not in my hands.
"To Let Go" is not to try to change or blame another it is to make the most of myself.
"To Let Go" is not to care for but to care about, not to fix but be supportive.
"To Let Go" is not to judge but to allow another to be a human being.
"To Let Go" is to not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow another to affect their own destiny.
"To Let Go" is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
"To Let Go" is not to deny, but to accept.
"To Let Go" is not to nag, scold, or argue but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
"To Let Go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
"To Let Go" is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the present and for the future.
"To Let Go" is to fear less, and to love more…
Take a deep breath and... "Let Go".
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Blessings . . .
Sometimes, you just need a reminder of your true nature . . . to keep moving forward.
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~ Be Someone ~
Be someone who listens
and you will be heard.
Be someone who cares
and you will be loved.
Be someone who gives
and you will be blessed.
Be someone who comforts
and you will know peace.
Be someone who genuinely seeks
to understand and you will be wise.
Be someone kind, someone considerate
and you will be admired.
Be someone who values truth
and you will be respected.
Be someone who takes action
and you will move life forward.
Be someone who lifts others
higher and your life will be rich.
Be someone filled with gratitude
and there will be no end to the things
for which you'll be thankful.
Be someone who lives with joy and with
purpose as your own light brightly shines.
Be, in every moment the special
someone you are truly meant to be!
~Ralph Marston~
=================
~ Be Someone ~
Be someone who listens
and you will be heard.
Be someone who cares
and you will be loved.
Be someone who gives
and you will be blessed.
Be someone who comforts
and you will know peace.
Be someone who genuinely seeks
to understand and you will be wise.
Be someone kind, someone considerate
and you will be admired.
Be someone who values truth
and you will be respected.
Be someone who takes action
and you will move life forward.
Be someone who lifts others
higher and your life will be rich.
Be someone filled with gratitude
and there will be no end to the things
for which you'll be thankful.
Be someone who lives with joy and with
purpose as your own light brightly shines.
Be, in every moment the special
someone you are truly meant to be!
~Ralph Marston~
Sunday, January 10, 2010
10 Phrases that CLEARLY represent me . . .
Over time, I have found or created these little snippets that make me smile about the nature of me. Enjoy!
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Beneath this cool exterior sits a powder keg of passion . . .
~Garfield~
I'm not shy -- I'm just studying my prey . . .
Be careful what you wish for --- you just might get it . . .
I only "look" sweet and innocent.
It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for . . .
I warned you . . .
If looks could kill, I'd be an assassin . . .
If you can't handle the heat, don't tickle the dragon . . .
You think you know, but you don't know . . .
The best is yet to come.
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Beneath this cool exterior sits a powder keg of passion . . .
~Garfield~
I'm not shy -- I'm just studying my prey . . .
Be careful what you wish for --- you just might get it . . .
I only "look" sweet and innocent.
It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for . . .
I warned you . . .
If looks could kill, I'd be an assassin . . .
If you can't handle the heat, don't tickle the dragon . . .
You think you know, but you don't know . . .
The best is yet to come.
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